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About LinkBacksWell done...I heard that one years ago but the older jokes are always the best.
Well done...I heard that one years ago but the older jokes are always the best.
Explain please. It must be funny.Originally Posted by asphericalperspective
I loved that previous joke
Q. Where do you go if you want to know how heavy a pie is?
A. Somewhere over the rainbow.
Another oldie.
Guy goes into D'Arcy McGee's in Ottawa and orders three pints of Guinness lined up in front of him. He does this for a couple of weeks straight. Finally one of the regulars comes over to ask him why.
"Well I have two brothers - one in Australia and the other in Dublin. We can't get together very often so we each do this every night wherever we are."
This goes on for close to a year. Then one night the guy comes in and orders two pints of Guinness.
The bar goes deathly silent. Finally they send over the Bartender to talk to the poor fellow.
"The boys here are really sorry about your brother. Was it the one in Sydney or the one in Dublin who passed away?"
"Oh nothin' like that. No worries my friends. I just gave up drinkin' for Lent myself."
There are fathers who do not love their children; there is no grandfather who does not adore his grandson. ~ Victor Hugo
Sitting in a deli eating his lunch, a man reading the newspaper mutters to himself "More trouble in paradise: 12 Brazillian soldiers are dead, such a shame".
A blonde woman at the table next to him overhears him and says " My God - thats awful! How many are in a Brazillian?"
We're out of cash, out of jobs, no hope left. At least we still have bacon.
Last edited by dbakiva; February 29th, 2012 at 20:43.
Thanks! Got it! I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer!
New guy, fresh out of Grad. school, gets hired into a management position at a big construction company. He decides the best way to get respect is to show all the employees at his first day on the job that he's not there to screw around. He decides he's going to make an example out of the very first guy who breaks even the most minor rule. Nothing happens all morning. Everyone shows up on time, gets straight to work. No one even remotely screws around. As lunch time approaches, with 5 minutes left till the start of lunch, the new guy notices a skinny dude leaning on a beam in the middle of the site. Not doing anything. Just seems to be waiting around. Plus, he's not even wearing a hard hat.
Time to make an example out of him. New manager walks over to him and shouts. He demands to know how much the guy earns in a week. Guy tells him how much. New manager reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wad of cash. Finally he says . . .
"Here's your entire week's pay right here! It's Monday. I never want to see you back here ever again! Beat it!"
The guy smiles, takes the money, and says "Yes Sir!" before leaving.
New manager is proud of what he did. He notices several of the guys had witnessed what just took place. He's confident that he just earned their respect. But he realizes that he fired the guy before getting his name. New manager turns to the nearest worker and asks if he knows the name of the guy who just walked off the site.
"You mean the Pizza delivery boy you told to never come back? I think his name is Steve."
"The World is insane. With tiny spots of sanity here and there. Not the other way around." ~ John Cleese.
I wanna know where everyone is posting their best not-clean jokes, lol.
I hope this one is okay to post:
This says it all about getting older & the whole aging thing.
Church Fart
An older couple is attending church services.
About halfway through, she writes a note and hands it to her husband.
It says, "I just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"
He scribbles back, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid!"
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